Not Yet Dead
by fetch-thranduilion
Summary: Based on the Spamalot song and set during Dragons of Summer Flame. Pokes fun at just about every character but Usha and that's only because she's not there.


None of this is mine, even more than usual: Characters are from Dragons of Summer Flame and the tune and about half the lyrics (including the profanity) are from Monty Python's musical Spamalot. Apologies go out to…gee, fans of every character I use in this (poor Palin gets such a bad rap), and also to anybody who can speak Latin, as I have no idea if the Latin in this is right. It's what was in the original, and I think it works…This song is dedicated to my flute teacher, who got me hooked on Dragonlance ("for next week, do the sonata by Handel, and read the War of Souls trilogy next…") Hopefully this won't get pulled from the site; do they take songfics off if they're in script format?

"He Is Not Dead Yet": The Chaos War Version

_Scene: Outside the Tower of High Sorcery in Palanthas. As Palin and Steel enter, arguing, mages of all three colors walk by, smacking themselves on the foreheads occasionally with spellbooks._

Mages: Solinari Domine (_thud_)

Lunitari be with us _(thud)_

Nuitari Domine (_thud_)

Gods of magic be with us _(thud)_

Steel (_speaking_): Raistlin is dead. Raistlin is dead. You're nuts.

Palin (_speaking_): He's not dead.

Steel (_speaking_): What, you say he's not dead.

Palin (_speaking_): Yes, he's not. _(whining a little)_ Uncle told me…Uncle told me…

_Raistlin materializes and starts doing a little dance around the two. (And yes, Raistlin knows how to dance…remember in_ The Soulforge?)

Raistlin: I am not dead yet

Merely sleeping for a while

I am not dead yet

Though I woke up for your trial

I am not dead yet

I cannot stay in bed

So hurry through the Portal

Cos I'm not yet dead.

_Undead Spirits materialize around him and join in the fun._

Spirits: He is not yet dead

That's what the master said

No he's not yet dead

That man is off his head

He is not yet dead

He should be in bed

Hurry to his side because he's not yet dead.

_Raistlin takes the Staff of Magius from Palin, a top hat materializes on his head, and he launches into a dance number which is abruptly cut short when Steel, who's had enough of this nonsense, deals him a heavy blow to the head with his sword. Raistlin drops. Spirits disappear, and mages walk over, complaining._

Mages: Well, now he's dead

You whacked him on the head

Sure, now he's dead

It makes me just see red

With an ugly sneer

You murdered Raist Majere

You homicidal bastard, now he's really dead

Who is the knave who put him in his grave

And who needs to manage his anger?

Steel: My name is Steel Brightblade

I'm on a dark crusade

To serve Her Majesty

Although I'm underpaid

Palin: I want to be a mage

But I'm not very sage

I worry and I whine

Almost all the time

Steel _(slinging an arm around Palin's shoulders)_: I'll be right with you

Palin through and through and through

So stick with me; this decision I will rue

Palin: We may become friends

I can teach you how to feel

Both: We're cousins on a quest

Palin: I'm Palin

Steel: And I'm Steel

_Mages line up behind Palin and Steel, and they march around the stage for a bit_.

All: Oh, we're off to war

Because we're not yet dead

Chaos has escaped

And on Tasslehoff he'll tread…

Raistlin (_staggering to his feet and standing behind Palin)_: I am coming too

I'll speak within your head

I'll be your advisor

Cos I'm not yet dead!

All but Palin and Steel: Oh we're off to war

To Palanthas we go

To fetch Raist instead

He'll put on quite a show

And so although

We should have stayed in bed

We're going off to war because we're not yet dead!

_While they sing that, Steel and Palin sing_:

Steel: To fight!

All right!

It's why I am a knight!

Palin _(to Raistlin, gesturing at Steel):_ If we

Should flee

He'll have to die for me

All _(turning and facing the audience in a line)_: We're telling you no lies

Fire's falling from the skies

The Authoress _(having_ _just realized the horrors of the song she has written)_: I'll be shot by Margaret Weis!

All: Cos we're not…yet…(_Raistlin whacks Steel in payback; awkward silence_)

Dead!

Not yet dead!


End file.
